Hey, let’s take a trip on the trainamathingy! Washington D.C. and its surrounding territory. Having lived in this area for most of my life, I’m used to the monuments, freaky weather and sometime freakier inhabitants (wait a minute…does that include me? Probably). Like many of us, I travel to and from work on the Metro…aka subway, train or tram. I’ve seen a lot of people in my daily trek and I’ve developed a list of the types of people you find on the Metro each day. Here is the list for those who may be travelling through our humble city.
The Tourist. Yes, easily the most recognizable of the group. The Tourist is the one with the wide open eyes, full of wonder and often full of questions. They are most likely to snap a picture and an awful observation at the same time. These should be avoided as they will more than likely miss their stop and you’ll have to waste a great deal of time helping them not end up in the Anacostia River.
The Prince/Princess. For these lovely snowflakes, no rules apply. They want to sit next to a stranger when there are completely open seats? Sure! Want to stand on the left said of the escalator and not walk? By all means. Please regale us with your cell phone conversation with your Poochie Woochie significant other and let us know what you’re having for dinner. Dumbass.
The Land Shark. No, not the Jimmy Buffett fan version. This land shark mimics the [false] believe that if a shark stops swimming it will drown. In this case, the land shark will probably die the moment he or she stops talking. They will not stop…ever. Not even to breathe. Quite an accomplishment to behold unless you are the person to whom they are addressing.
The Holy Crap You’re Too Old to Be Out Drinking person. They’re smelly, they are older than 25, they are…and probably will be for the foreseeable future…hungover. More than likely found at the back of the train collapsed on a seat. They are holding on for dear life as the train won’t stop spinning and their liver is trying desperately to exit their body through any orifice available. These people are exceptionally easy to avoid and are not considered a threat as they are more than likely waiting for death to arrive.
Finally, you have the worker. Me. We’re the Obi-Wan Kenobis of the Metro system. We’ve seen it all; we’ve heard it all and now…we’d like to be left alone. If we could head towards Tatooine to avoid the Metro people we would. We know to stand on the right and walk on the left on an escalator. We know to move our butts once we get down to the end of the escalator and not just stop and look around. We are the ones with ear buds that secretly are not connected to anything just to avoid unwanted conversation.
Well, there you have it. Your guide to the Metro, Subway, train, tram, thingy in the Washington DC Area. Now you can successfully identify and possibly tag the types of people that should be avoided. Don’t you feel better now for having that information?
Until next time, Be Good or Be Good At It!