Smart Dog…Intolerable

Someone is breaking the rules. When someone chose to adopt either a cat or a dog, there were factors that used to weigh into the decision. These factors were static, unchanging. If you wanted a super-smart pet that had its own personality and considered you a source of food and little else, well, you went with a cat. If you wanted a slightly dumber version of yourself that not only had more legs than you, but could lick where it damn well pleased, well, a dog was for you.

Along the way, these criteria changed. While the feline factors did not, as they are still very smart and generally don’t care a darn about you at all, the dog’s description changed somewhat. Oh sure, they are still my preferred animal companion, my dog simply broke the rules. It is now significantly smarter than I am.

Hey, I’m all about evolution, and I don’t begrudge a species for making advances, but at least I deserve some word of warning before it exceeds my cranial abilities. Some tidbit or “white paper” that outlined this change would have been nice. Some insider info that this was going to occur. Sadly, no such information reached me.

Case in point…my wife has a hard and fast rule that the dog is not to be let up on the couch. Tiger, my dog, knows that when she is not home, I tend to ignore this rule or at least I don’t enforce it quite as strictly as I should. Yesterday I caught him up on the couch about thirty seconds after my wife left the house. I told him he was a bad boy and he gave me a look as if to say, “Look, I know you have to say this but we both know that after I get down and you go back downstairs, I’m just going to jump right back up here. Shall we just dispense with the waste of time and just go about our lives?” I had no response to this fictitious conversation and just shrugged my shoulders and went back downstairs.

Secondly, my dog has attained the ability to tell time. Sure, we all know that dogs can tell when it’s about time to be fed. They jump up on you, wag their tail, and begin to get excited in an effort to remind us lax humans that it is time for us to provide sustenance. My dog, however, has decided to not only remind me that it is time for him to eat, but he has also made his own political statement that daylight savings time should be abolished.

Even though we change our clocks, or more correctly all of our clocks somehow change themselves through the use of internet magic, a dog realizes the whole idea of daylight savings time is a load of rubbish. I’ve tried to explain to him that the idea stems from the idea that back in our more agricultural days, we needed to allow for more time for us to work in the fields. He, of course, would have none of it, and looked at me as if to say, “Stupid Alan, we no longer live in a society that relies on the light emissions from a star to dictate our ability to feed ourselves or provide some sort of service or goods production to allow for our continual survival. Rather, society has evolved to a state where one can complete work from literally anywhere in the world and at any time. Society needs no artificial stimulus to our internal clock maintenance.” Or at least that’s what I thought he said.

I miss the days when dogs were less intelligent than we were and we could feel some sort of social dominance over a beast. Unfortunately this is no longer the case and now I am beginning to feel the same intellectual impotence dealing with my dog that I feel watching “Jeopardy.”

I am not amused.


Published by Alan Reese

Greetings blog wanderers and seekers of truth, or whatever truth appears to be from the mind of a warped individual. You have reached the inner sanctum of some guy named Alan. Having graduated college sometime shortly after the Earth cooled, he finds himself in his late 30's and working out in the real world. His humor is dry and his outlook not so serious and somehow has picked up the nasty habit of writing about himself in the third person. He is married with child and loves his family, sports and, of course, his beloved video games...likelihood of his growing up? Not good. Are you an established site or magazine looking for a writer? Drop me a line if you are interested.

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