Well, the Super Bowl has come and gone and now we have the daunting task of getting through the long period of time between NFL seasons. Without football, I think of the warning that they use in Game of Thrones, “Winter is coming.”
So, in honor of Game of Thrones, I’ve put together a listing of every NFL Head Coach and their corresponding character in the hit HBO show. Most comparisons are based on looks, but some of them are because they are so darn similar, character-wise, to their Game of Thrones character. On well, ’nuff ‘splainin’.
Here are the 2014 GOT/NFL coaching crossovers:
1. Arizona Cardinals
Coach: Bruce Arians
G.O.T. Character: Daenerys Targaryen
Why? Because Bruce was brought in to lead when Chuck Pagano went down with the Colts. Like, Daenerys, he led his team when he wasn’t the first choice to do so.
2. Atlanta Falcons
Coach: Dan Quinn
G.O.T. Character: Eddard Stark
3. Baltimore Ravens
Coach: John Harbaugh
G.O.T. Character: Tyrion Lannister
4. Buffalo Bills
Coach: Rex Ryan
G.O.T. Character: HODOR!
5. Carolina Panthers
Coach: Ron Rivera
G.O.T. Character: Mycah
6. Chicago Bears
Coach: John Fox
G.O.T. Character: Tywin Lannister
7. Cincinnati Bengals
Coach: Marvin Lewis
G.O.T. Character: Barristan Selmy
Why? Because Marvin Lewis has been such a good guy and is great work ethic personified. Character-wise, he matches the same level of goodness as the long-time member of the Kingsguard.
8. Cleveland Browns
Coach: Mike Pettine
G.O.T. Character: Qyburn
9. Dallas Cowboys
Coach: Jason Garrett
G.O.T. Character: Jaime Lannister
10. Denver Broncos
Coach: Gary Kubiak
G.O.T. Character: Edmure Tully
11. Detroit Lions
Coach: Jim Caldwell
G.O.T. Character: Alliser Thorne
Why? Because Thorne is responsible for training punks and nincompoops into something that is useful. Like Thorne, Caldwell has his plate full keeping nincompoop Ndamukong Suh in line.
12. Green Bay Packers
Coach: Mike McCarthy
G.O.T. Character: Varys
13. Houston Texans
Coach: Bill O’Brien
G.O.T. Character: Ilyn Payne
14. Indianapolis Colts
Coach: Chuck Pagano
G.O.T. Character: Syrio Forel
15. Jacksonville Jaguars
Coach: Gus Bradley
G.O.T. Character: Jon Snow
16. Kansas City Chiefs
Coach: Andy Reid
G.O.T. Character: Robert Baratheon
17. Miami Dolphins
Coach: Joe Philbin
G.O.T. Character: Viserys Targaryen
18. Minnesota Vikings
Coach: Mike Zimmer
G.O.T. Character: Podrick Payne
19. New England Patriots
Coach: Bill Belichick
G.O.T. Character: Cersei Lannister
Why her? Because she’s quiet and runs things behind the scenes. Belichick is a brilliant coach…he just goes about it all…well, like a Lannister.
20. New Orleans Saints
Coach: Sean Payton
G.O.T. Character: Jorah Mormont
21. NY Giants
Coach: Tom Coughlin
G.O.T. Character: Master Aemon
22. NY Jets
Coach: Todd Bowles
G.O.T. Character: Jon Arryn
Why? Because the character of Jon Arryn is a dead man. Todd Bowles joining the Jets? That’s career suicide. The fans and the media involved with the Jets will make you wish you took the Brown’s job. Good luck!
23. Oakland Raiders
Coach: Jack Del Rio
G.O.T. Character: Jeor Mormont
Why? Hey, Mormont’s in charge of the Wall…guarded by bastards and criminals…Welcome to the Oakland Raiders.
24. Philadelphia Eagles
Coach: Chip Kelly
G.O.T. Character: Samwell Tarly
25. Pittsburgh Steelers
Coach: Mike Tomlin
G.O.T. Character: Gregor Clegane
Why? Clegane is tough…look at some of the looks Tomlin gives on the sidelines…he scares me!
26. San Diego Chargers
Coach: Mike McCoy
G.O.T. Character: Roose Bolton
27. San Francisco 49rs
Coach: Jim Tomsula
G.O.T. Character: Drogo
28. Seattle Seahawks
Coach: Pete Carroll
G.O.T. Character: Petyr Baelish (Littlefinger)
29. St. Louis Rams
Coach: Jeff Fisher
G.O.T. Character: Locke
30. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Coach: Lovie Smith
G.O.T. Character: Old Nan
Why? Because the man coached Jay Cutler for a number of years. He must have the patience of dear Old Nan not to go crazy!
31. Tennessee Titans
Coach: Ken Whisenhunt
G.O.T. Character: Maester Luwin
32. Washington Redskins
Coach: Jay Gruden
G.O.T. Character: Robin Arryn
Why? Because the only reason he’s coaching is because Gruden continues to suck on the proverbial teat of owner Dan Snyder just like Robin does to his mother Lysa…even at an inappropriate age to do so.
So there you have it, ladies and germs…do you agree with the list?
Together we can get through this long hard winter. Combine is just around the corner!
