Lawbreaker Re-elected to be Lawmaker…Ah, Virginia

Despite the subject matter of this article, this is NOT a political opinion piece. I am not a political pundit and care very little for the topic…BUT this crap is funny!

Let me out! I approve funding for these bars! (Photo:

You know Democrats and Republics are viewed with severe distrust when an Independent wins an election. You are, therefore, forced to accept the knowledge that your respective political party is considered by the populace as sticky and smelly refuse caused by combining Tickle-Me-Elmo dolls, Nintendo Wii-U units and yak dung, and burying them in hot sand for five decades when you lose to an independent that is a CRIMINAL.

But lo and behold, Old Virginny has the distinct honor of being a Commonwealth in which that very thing as happened. Joseph Morrissey, a man who snagged 42% of the vote to win re-election to the Commonwealth’s House of Delegates, pleaded guilty of snagging the…uh…attention of his 17-year-old secretary and contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

So, secretary…care to take…dictation? (Photo:

Mr. Morrissey, whose crime is expertly demonstrated in roughly 8,000 adult videos found on the internet, was able to arrange a deal whereby he can spend 12 hours a day out in public campaigning and 12 hours behind bars. He was also able to reduce his sentence from six months in jail to only 90 days because…well…reasons.

Listen! We’re all walking and there will be NO motion to dismiss! (Photo:

This work release program has greatly upset his fellow Delegates, who have made no secret in not believing this is an acceptable arrangement. Fictional Delegate David Smellum, speaking on the condition of anonymity that I just disregarded because of…well…reasons, stated “Under no circumstances should this be allowed to stand. Mr. Morrissey’s situation allows him to spend time at a correctional facility and get used to the surroundings, whereas the rest of us have prison sprung on us when we finally get caught making a mockery of the legislative process.”

Mr. Smellum? Truer words were never spoken!




Published by Alan Reese

Greetings blog wanderers and seekers of truth, or whatever truth appears to be from the mind of a warped individual. You have reached the inner sanctum of some guy named Alan. Having graduated college sometime shortly after the Earth cooled, he finds himself in his late 30's and working out in the real world. His humor is dry and his outlook not so serious and somehow has picked up the nasty habit of writing about himself in the third person. He is married with child and loves his family, sports and, of course, his beloved video games...likelihood of his growing up? Not good. Are you an established site or magazine looking for a writer? Drop me a line if you are interested.

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