I’ve just about had it with my coworker Dundas. The man just seems to exist solely for the purpose of making my life a living Hell! What makes a person constantly taunt someone just because they may be slightly more successful or having graduated from a slightly more prestigious university? I just don’t understand the source of the joy he finds in making me regret my career choices day after day.
Perhaps I should backtrack slightly. I am a doctor, but if you want to get fancy, my official title is Chief Faecal Encephalopathologist with a fairly well known hospital in Massachusetts. Dr. Dundas (whose first name will not be included here because I don’t want to get sued) is also fairly high up in his career food chain as a surgeon and he has, coincidentally, some of the same patients I have, but for his specialty, which is Embolectomy. We both attended a hospital retreat last year and I absolutely wiped the proverbial floor with him in the Doctor/Nurse sack race (those specializing in testicular surgery were not invited for obvious reasons).
Well, ‘ol Dundas didn’t take too kindly to the fact that I made him whimper has I held the trophy aloft and he was left to rethink that whole donut eating contest he participated in only two days prior to the race. But since then he’s been seriously messing with me and making me wish I worked in a different hospital. Sure, I can be rather sensitive, but what would you do if the following abuses were being thrust upon you?
First, the post it notes in the gauze. There I was performing a complex appendectomy on Mrs. Wiggins when I noticed a piece of gauze had been left in her body during a previous surgery. I removed it, of course, but on the gauze was a small note from Dundas saying that his spastic colon diagnoses were stronger than mine. Oh, that really bothered me. And the widower Wiggins? Well, he didn’t seem to care a flipping farthing that my feelings were hurt! It was just ‘me, me, me, my wife, how could she be gone!?’ and he cared very little for my torment.
And the time I lost my car keys, only to have them mysteriously reappear inside Mr. Barber’s cranium. I would have never noticed if my car didn’t keep locking and unlocking every time Mr. Barber had one of his ‘sneezing fits.’ And Dundas’ stupid trick of replacing the roast beef in my sandwich with samples from the organ donor stock is simply childish. Sure, it’s funny to see me take a bite of someone’s spleen when it’s hiding underneath a piece of lettuce, but come on now, you’re acting so childish.
But the thing that really threw my game off was the incident with the medical college. Granted, it was slightly funny, but really Dundas’ stupid stunt was terrible. There I was, demonstrating the proper procedure for making an incision into an abdomen, when yep, you guessed it, out of the cadaver pops up a live King Cobra. I mean, sure we’ve all been there before, but the fact that it bit and killed Nurse Cummings really was too much. And there was Dundas, with his mask in his hand just guffawing.
So to you, Dundas, I say stop with the stupid practical jokes. So I beat you in a sack race. Get over it and stop bullying me! Until then I’ll just be careful to…
Be Good or Be Good At It!