I’m not that old, not by geologic standards anyway. So when I start to look at modern society and point out its oddities, it’s not a case of my standing outside of my house and yelling for kids to get off my lawn (seriously, GET OFF MY LAWN!). So when I see my nine year old daughter figuring out how to make complex recipes in Minecraft, but utterly incapable of putting the brain synapses together to allow her to find a jar of mayonnaise in the refrigerator, I have to take a look as some things.
As stated before, I love video games. The extent of which captures my belief that we have reached the pinnacle of technological advancement as demonstrated by my ability to raise or lower the volume of my television solely by my voice. Yes, next step is the flying car. That said, there are limits that should be enforced to not allow our reliance on technology to overtake our usefulness (which for me happened the moment electric can openers were invented).
So you will no doubt easily understand why I drew the metaphorical (because literal would not make any sense) line in the sand when I found that a sewing machine we recently acquired included, yes included, a USB cable. What? You mean a doohickey that attaches to the back of a computer? Why? Did the sewing machine need access to the internet so it could access its email or naked pictures of cardigans or hedonistic hemlines?
At what point in our society did we decide that our culture was utterly incapable of advancing without the design and manufacturing of a sewing machine capable to utilizing Al Gore’s creation or Bill Gates’ playhouse? The legalization of marijuana is a fairly recent event so I’ll need another explanation for the inventor coming up with this idea. There are only so many uses for a sewing machine and none of them would require using a USB cable. So what gives?
Naturally, I’ve come up with something that trumps the useless demonstration of technology. The X-TP (patent pending). Designed with the modern user in mind, this handy toilet paper role is complete with its own WiFi access that communicates directly with the manufacturer with updated stats and tendencies that allow you, the consumer, to never have to worry about using too much or too little again. Been having too much cheese? Well then, the X-TP system (patent pending) will be able to advice the user and manufacturer that less toilet paper is needed. Been to Taco Bell (oh that sucker is trademarked so I sure better reference it as being so) recently? An emergency call is put out towards the fine provider to immediately ship thicker, more numerous rolls directly to your door.
Until next time, campers….Be Good or Be Good At It!