These Kids Today


Remember when you were growing up and believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that your generation was, and forever will be, the smartest, hippest, and coolest generation in the history of mankind?  Well, it turns out we were right; only in a completely and utterly wrong sort of way.  These kids today (oh those words), including my daughter, are something completely outside the realm of historical mankind. I prefer to reference the generation as more Cyborg Magellans than the next advance into the human experience.


This is NOT a bad thing.  To date, mankind have devolved into a bunch of cavemen and cavewomen when put into a group begin bickering over labels, throwing bones of idiocy and salivating over buzzwords. I, and the others of my generation, are the absolute pinnacle of mankind’s evolution.  That’s it, we’ve reached the top. Yay…but there is one small thing…the Grand Architect has decided that our evolution took a wrong turn in Albuquerque and it’s been decided that they’re just going to scrap the first model and move onto a completely different prototype.  Enter the Cyborg Magellans.


Named after the famed Portuguese explorer, these new have the inborn ability to communicate with computers and all electronic devices (perhaps toasters, too, but the data on that is, to date, inconclusive) to which they become exposed.  They no longer require actual human contact as they prefer bandwidth to brotherhood and being wireless rather than witty.  My nine year old daughter is a prime example of the Cyborg Magellan.


I am a gamer (that’s an inclusive title for anyone who loves the hell out of video games).  Not a particularly good one, but a proud one nonetheless.  There I am, 38 years old and trying desperately to defeat a mighty 12 year old over the internet in a game of…ya know I don’t think I can mention the name of the game for fear of copyright infringement so I’ll just say that I used to ice skate and would FALL all the time…did I mention I like the Tennessee TITANs football team? Oh well, I digress. I start to get disgusted having died for the 8th time in 45 seconds and I accidently drop my controller across the room. My Cyborg Magellan picks up the controller and scores multiple kills in 17 seconds. I have to be honest with you…I cried a little.


So as a proud representation of the end of the line generation for mankind, I say it’s all yours Cyborg Magellans.  Now I get to sit back and watch…should be one heck of a show!


Oh, and just in case one tries to pin me down as to who the Grand Architect is or if it’s part of a grand conspiracy, I can’t give you details because it’s a secret.


Until Next Time, 10110111011011011 (binary for Be Good or Be Good At It!)

Published by Alan Reese

Greetings blog wanderers and seekers of truth, or whatever truth appears to be from the mind of a warped individual. You have reached the inner sanctum of some guy named Alan. Having graduated college sometime shortly after the Earth cooled, he finds himself in his late 30's and working out in the real world. His humor is dry and his outlook not so serious and somehow has picked up the nasty habit of writing about himself in the third person. He is married with child and loves his family, sports and, of course, his beloved video games...likelihood of his growing up? Not good. Are you an established site or magazine looking for a writer? Drop me a line if you are interested.

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