Okay, I’m not a big issues-guy. I have a rule that states that I never make it part of my business to expound upon political causes or climb up on a soap box about anything serious, but today I’m going to break that rule. There is an emergency in the New York Area. There has been, get ready people, the emergence of a stalking clown on Staten Island.
Yes, you’ve read correctly. A big, scary, clown has been sighted multiple times standing behind trees, standing in front of signs, etc. He’s not doing anything but holding a balloon and looking clowny, but really, would he need to doing anything else? Would he need to be holding a bloody axe and the head of an orphan to convey any deeper level of evil and damnation he and his demonic brethren (and yes Mimes, I’m looking right at you…oh yeah? Say something to deny it. Ha! I knew it) represent?
At the time of my writing this, we know who is behind it. Some mentally deranged man named Michael Leavy and his production company called “Fuzz on the Lens” were behind the creation and appearance of this guardian of the hellmouth. I am sure that those reading this, whether they be for or against the death penalty, know that only the strictest of punishments can satisfy the vengeance for a crime of this magnitude.
Drawing and Quartering? Bah, too weak. Hanging by rope made of durian fibers? Not even close. A 24 hour continuous loop of Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth?” Okay, now let’s not go overboard here, we are civilized after all. These demon spawns purposely took to the streets to destroy the fabric of all that is good with the world. They brought out among us the very embodiment of evil. Clowns, of course, represent the epitome of all that nature despises and what drives anything remotely symbolizing good and right fleeing into the hills. And to allow a man, a supposed person made of flesh and blood, to bring forth this putrefaction (scientifically named Clownimus Kardashian) into our society to taunt and destroy us.
Oh I am giving you SUCH a glare right now.
So Be Good or Be At It…except you…don’t you just feel terrible?